The back to school silly dance is not happening. On my first day off, of the first week back to school, the end of a tropical storm has blown in dropping heavy rain on us, which means no roofing today for my husband. No quiet empty house.
That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but things are different this year. Only half my children are even in school. Oldest one is back living at home after year at college and now in an apprenticeship – he is out at work every day. My next lovely is in a gap year due to the long waiting list for the course she wants to do. On any given day she may stay in, she may have a shift at work, she may be out with friends. There are only two school packed lunches to make these days, only half the pile of forms to sign at the beginning of term – though it still seemed I had to spend a painful amount of dollars on school supplies.
All this means is things have changed. Our family is in a new phase of life. As if I didn’t know already, I am a bit emotional. I almost sobbed a little to myself as only half were going to school. There’s so much going on now, it’s hard to keep up and keep a handle on it. So much simpler when they all went to school, came back, snack, homework, the odd activity, supper, bedtime. Wash and repeat. Routine is a comforting thing. I mourn the loss of that and whole family activities. Now they all want to go and do their own thing, and they don’t want me to join in.
They don’t want me!
I know this is only partly true, natural stage of life and all that, but it makes me a little sad. They don’t want me.
This is part of the insanity of motherhood. Sometimes I do a little jig when I have child free time and yet my most precious times are those spent with them. I think the only way to hang onto that is to let go. I’m learning, still learning.
Having said all this, today is still my only day off in the first week of school, and tropical storm or not, I’m off to get my hair done.