I have a zero-gravity chair on the deck. My children gave it to me for Mothers’ Day. I planned to read my Bible and pray in that chair, write in that chair, relax and think in that chair. That was back in May. I think I’ve sat on it for a maximum of two hours since then and the longest time I sat I had a headache and couldn’t do anything else.
The busy time at the end of the school year is expected – especially as we had another high school grad at the end of this one, and a college grad in addition to that. Everything seems to give way to those celebrations and the running around that goes along with. Good times, milestone times, but all-consuming.
Then that’s all done. Summer vacation hits. What relief! I crash, mentally and physically exhausted, but life goes on to the next thing. Sometimes it seems busier! There’s always something to be done whether it’s a birthday to be organized, car problems, paperwork, groceries, laundry, cooking, cleaning, a garden to be weeded as well as work of course.
Not only have I not sat in the chair, I haven’t written, I can’t find time to go for a run and I’ve been snatching at the odd Bible verse and shooting arrow prayers here and there. I feel like I’m maintaining everything and everyone, but not getting a grip on anything. I resent the extra things that get thrown at me even though I want to do and enjoy some of those things! The frustration builds and my mood spirals in the wrong direction. Now and again I find myself in this place, sucked of energy and motivation – and a little bit confused. I know I’m there when I hide away and binge watch a series on Netflix in the late evenings. It’s not a good place to be for me or the people around me.
I think I need a holiday and it’s a good thing that’s coming up. That’s not all I need though. There’s a tug in my heart that tells me the only way to accomplish all I feel called to do is to stop and get things back in order. I don’t like to stop. I like motion. God has put things on my heart and I’ve taken them and run, got disappointed when things don’t happen and then just got plain busy, forgetting that I need Him to take me there in the first place. Sometimes it seems so hard to take time out to worship, pray and read the word, but I know what a difference putting Jesus central makes. I need his love, his power, his strength so I can live out of love, and not driven by my own expectations and everything else.
I think I need some time on that chair.